I never thought to stand naked in front of people on a stage but that is exactly what has happened by sharing the songs on this CD with you. No one wants the world to see their darkest secrets, the physical, emotional and sexual abuse they have endured. It is of course much more than that. It's about having Faith even in the darkest of times. There comes a day when we all make a choice to help the world, hurt the world, or do nothing. I have chosen to share my journey of trials and faith that it may bring hope and healing to those who have experienced the same or similar. I would also like to educate those that have been lucky enough to have lived a more innocent life. To inspire compassion and mercy in an often times selfish world. May the songs minister to you where ever you find yourself in life. I started writing music when I was around 10 years of age. I started well before that if you count the battle song I composed for my younger brothers Army men. Music for me was a haven...a place to disappear fully into another world. With lyrics I found even more freedom. I could write whatever I wanted and no one seemed to mind if they were twisted, angry or depressing. All of the chaos swirling around inside seemed to settle once I sat down at the piano. I could write out all of my hopes and fears giving voice to things I couldn't seem to talk about to others. I grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive environment. There was a two year period of time between 6-8 years of age that I was sexually abused by a much older cousin entrusted to babysit the younger children. I felt that I was to blame. I lived with that blame and the shame for more years than I care to remember. Music was and always has been my solace to deal with the nightmares and the feelings of worthlessness. I received a lot of encouragement from my musical writings in High School. I wrote a couple of mini musical numbers and found that it was sometimes easier to write a song for special music than to try and find one in a book. But no matter how much I was encouraged by teachers and my friends I was convinced they were only being kind to me..that I didn't have any real lyrical or musical talent. I also spent too much time beating myself up about my vocal abilities. I could hold a tune and I was confident in being a part of a choir or small group but I never saw myself as a soloist. I can remember in High School having a conversation with myself that if I could stand behind a curtain and have someone else sing my songs that would be the ideal dream. I graduated H.
S completely burned out emotionally, spiritually, and musically. I just wanted to be left alone and I certainly didn't want to write or sing. I made the mistake of becoming involved with an emotionally and physically abusive man, sacrificing my values along the way. Those poor decisions had a profound and an immediate negative effect on my life. I felt so undeserving of Gods love and I knew I didn't deserve to even say I was a follower. How can someone who was willing to sell their body and soul be worthy of forgiveness and mercy? I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself, and the life I was leading. That for me was the catalyst into musical silence. I felt unworthy to write or sing in Gods name. I quit singing all together and did not write another song for the next 20 years. The years went by as I was married, had a baby, divorced, remarried, two more babies and many moves that would take us away from our home State of California, to Michigan, then to Germany, stateside to Illinois and the here to Wisconsin in 2005. I got caught up with being a wife and mother, Girl Scout leader and many other fun and happy roles. My life was full and I will never regret those years focusing solely on being a wife and Mother. In May of 2006 I experienced my personal still waters moment in time. My husband and I were in the middle of trying to salvage our marriage from it's darkest hour. I was VERY angry and resentful. I had left Ron in January of 2006 with the children and gone into the Women's Community Cent
